Many clients in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) find themselves unsure about using crisis coaching. They might feel like they’re not distressed “enough,” worry about being a burden, or simply not know how to start the conversation. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Crisis coaching is a core part of DBT. It’s not about long therapy sessions or deep emotional processing—it’s there to help you stay safe and build skillful responses in the heat of the moment. This blog is here to walk you through two important questions: When should I reach out for crisis coaching? and What should I say when I do?
When Should I Ask for Crisis Coaching?
Sometimes, it’s difficult to know when a situation qualifies as a “crisis,” especially if you’ve been used to managing things on your own—or keeping everything inside.
Here are seven simple questions to ask yourself when you’re unsure whether to reach out:
- Am I feeling emotionally overwhelmed or distressed right now?
- Have I tried using a DBT skill, but it doesn’t seem to be working?
- Am I unsure which skill would be most helpful in this moment?
- Do I feel at risk of doing something impulsive or harmful to myself or others?
- Is this an urgent situation where I want to avoid making things worse?
- Do I feel stuck, hopeless, or unsure how to cope with what’s happening?
- Would a short conversation about skills help me get back on track?
If you answer “yes” to any of these, it’s likely a good time to reach out. Crisis coaching exists to support you through these moments. It’s not a sign of failure—it’s a sign of using your skills to stay safe and work towards your goals.
What Should I Say When I Reach Out?
It’s common to feel unsure about how to ask for help—especially if you don’t want to “get it wrong.” The good news is that you don’t need to write a perfect message. You just need to communicate what you’re feeling and what you need support with.
Here’s a set of guiding questions to help you put your thoughts together:
- What am I feeling right now?
(e.g. angry, anxious, numb, overwhelmed) - What happened or what’s going on that led me to feel this way?
- What urges or behaviours am I struggling with right now?
- Have I tried any DBT skills already? If so, which ones, and what happened?
- What do I want help with?
(e.g. choosing a skill, staying safe, calming down, stopping an urge) - Is there anything I already know might help but need encouragement to do?
This kind of structure can make it easier to open up and get the support you need without overthinking it.
Example Message You Could Send
If you’re still unsure what that might look like in practice, here’s an example of what a crisis coaching text or message could sound like:
“Hi, I’m feeling really overwhelmed and hopeless. Something happened with my partner earlier and I keep having urges to self-harm. I tried paced breathing but it didn’t help much. I’m not sure what else to do. Can you help me figure out what skill to try next?”
There’s no need to include everything, just enough to help your therapist or coach understand what’s going on and how they can support you.
Save This Simple Template on Your Phone
To make things even easier, you might want to save a message template in your Notes app so it’s ready when you need it:
Hi, I’m feeling [emotion] after [situation]. I’m struggling with [urge/thought]. I’ve tried [skill] but it’s not helping. I need help with [what you want support with].
Using this kind of structure helps remove some of the mental load that can make reaching out harder.
Final Thoughts
Crisis coaching is an important part of DBT and one of the tools that makes it a life-saving intervention for so many people. By learning when and how to use it, you’re not only taking care of yourself in difficult moments—you’re also building your confidence, skills, and sense of connection.
Remember: you’re not expected to get everything right. You’re allowed to ask for help, and it’s OK not to know exactly what you need. The goal of crisis coaching is to help you survive the moment and move forward with skill.
For more information on
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
Contact DBT-UK
info@dbt-uk.co.uk | +44 (0) 7541 458 851
